Victim in the Rag

Two peanuts walked into an alley way.  One was assaulted. 

Speaking of being assaulted, my mom and I were reminiscing the other day about this one time when she was nearly assaulted. 

Here's the story. 

So I was kind of dating someone at the time and he had left my house one night and after he left I went downstairs to my room.  Not a couple minutes had passed when he decided to come back and talk about things, MUCH TO MY SURPRISE (I'm sure it was another DTR.  Boys always liked to torment me into having those)!  But anyway,  my mom didn't know that he had come back and thought that someone was trying to get her, and why wouldn't they?  She's a babe!  She is the reason I've grown up so paranoid.  But THAT is beside the point. :)

Allow me to paint you a picture...  The house was dark and the tile floor ice cold.  My mom in her nightgown (which by this point was a rag due to the fact that she'd been wearing the same one for years and years :)) and I'm sure she was either in tube socks or her crocs and she was scared.  I picture her cowering into a corner, head curled down, with one foot up (almost in a posse) and her hands out trying to brace herself for the inevitable attack (I smile as I write this).   The scene really would have been perfect if the guy I was dating really was going to attack my mom.

Once my friend finally left, my brother Benson and one of my sisters came up to me and told me about my mom's near death experience.  This is when we came up with the next blockbuster movie:

"Victim in the Rag"

Mother of the bride, victim of the groom. 

What do you think? 

Can't you just see it as the next box-office hit??  

Imagine...  Heidi Killpack starring as herself as the one-and-only victim in the rag.  She really should have gone into acting.  Picture the sweet face, of this seemingly benign person, in all these roles she told me they wanted her for, but she had to decline because she was too busy raising kids. :) Can you imagine what I'd be like if I actually believed all the things she told me?!

  

I grew up being told that she was asked to be the wicked witch in "Wizard of Oz" AND the wicked step mother in "Cinderella." (ANASTASIA! DRIZELLA!!!)

This would be her. 

This would be me.  

My mom the movie star? 

Oh, and her new one is that they asked her to be the Trunchbull in "Matilda."  She was even able to convince Tory that this was true.  She makes it that believable. 

WHO ATE MY CAKE??

Would you die?  I can just see her putting people in the chokey:  a place where not even the crows can lay their droppings! 

I can guarantee that you've never met anyone who can laugh on command like she can!  

She's a true class-act that Heidi Killpack.  LOVE YOU MOM, I'M SURE GLAD YOU WEREN'T REALLY THE VICTIM IN THE RAG.  THAT WOULD'VE BEEN REALLY QUITE SAD. 

M